Separation anxiety in children occurs when children are afraid of leaving their attachment figures. It is a
phase that most parents have had to face, with different levels of intensity. It is not easy to handle,
especially because of the feeling of guilt it generates in some parents. Do you want to help your child? We
will give you the best advice, from the hand of an expert.

What is separation anxiety in children?

Separation anxiety in children generally occurs from 8 months of age. It is a stage that intensifies between
12 to 18 months and disappears around three years. It coincides with possible triggering situations: the
mother’s return to work after maternity leave, the baby’s adaptation period to daycare or a change in
nanny.

Separation anxiety in children occurs when children are separated from their attachment figures. This
separation anxiety manifests itself in the form of crying, tantrums, screaming or intense protests. The
trigger is the child’s fear of moving away from the adult with whom he feels protected and safe. That is
the fear of losing the attachment figure.

This stage, in the child’s development, is totally natural and transitory. Without dramatizing, parents can
provide appropriate support to their children. However, when separation anxiety in children is recurrent it
can represent a problem. If the level of anxiety is high and the periods of anxiety last longer, it is
advisable to consult a specialist.

While crying when starting daycare or school is completely normal, there are another series of symptoms
that can indicate the appearance of a possible disorder. Refusal from school, sleep problems or excessive
stress at the time of separation can seriously affect the child’s daily routines.

How does separation anxiety manifest in children?

Separation from the parents causes fear of abandonment, which is the first big fear that a young child can
experience. “The child may express anxiety in different ways.”

The baby cries when the mother leaves

Some children ritualize desperate screams and cries when their mother mentions going to work. All these
attitudes occur repetitively. A mother who says goodbye several times, and who shows a sad attitude
during the separation, does not benefit her child at all.

The child does not want to be with the babysitter

Other children refuse to maintain any contact with the nanny. They may also refuse to do activities with
her or try to escape from permitted spaces.

When the child experiences a regression in development

Regressive attitudes may arise in the child. For example, some children who are past the diaper age begin
to wet themselves. Other parents who have already managed to remove their child’s pacifier see how they
want to use it again or do not want to sleep, have many whims or do not want to eat… All of these
attitudes can occur together or separately.

When all these behaviors manifest themselves in a transitory and mild way, we should not worry. In fact,
we can interpret them simply as a temporary difficulty in adapting to the new situation. However, the
adult figures who care for the child must monitor this type of behavior and give them the importance they
deserve. It is necessary to find strategies to facilitate positive evolution.
So, what to do? “The first thing to do is put into practice an attitude of active listening to the child.”

What is active listening?

Parents who allow their children to acquire autonomy assume a fundamental role in the process of
separation and positive adaptation to new situations. The important thing is that they can transmit
protection, as well as confidence in the child’s own abilities. They must reassure him and help him contain
the negative emotions that will inevitably arise at this delicate evolutionary moment.

The adult must listen to the child’s needs and expressions of discomfort, avoiding projecting his or her
emotional state and own expectations onto him. At the actual moment of separation, it will be essential to
speak to the child in a calm tone and with simple and clear terms, so that he understands the situation he is
facing.

The essential ingredient is positive stimulation. The task of every educator (parent, nanny, teacher) is not
to prepare the way but to accompany the child on that path of growth. Helping him manage his fears little
by little.

In this way, separation anxiety in children will be gradually overcome. It is about helping children take
one more step towards their own autonomy and security.

Practical advice for parents against separation anxiety in children

There are several strategies that parents can implement to help their children deal with separation anxiety.
Parents play a very important role in the child’s independence. Put these tips into practice to help yourchild gain autonomy and self-confidence:

• Get the child used to being cared for by other adults besides the parents from a young age. Shebegins to “train” him with small periods of separation, leaving him with his grandparents forexample. When he is used to longer periods, you can consider sending him to a daycare center.
• Follow a daily routine for going to school or daycare: arrive early, talk or play with your child inthe playground before entering class, and give them time to relax and get used to theirsurroundings. Say goodbye quickly, with joy and without drama. Remind him that you will seeeach other after the meal.
• Create cards together at home with positive thoughts generated by school or daycare. Draw on thecards if you have not yet learned to write. It is important that you always carry these cards in yourbackpack.
• It may be beneficial for the child to carry an object that gives him security (his favorite stuffedanimal or some “magical” object).
• Establish and respect very specific routines for waking up, eating, and going to sleep. Avoidstress or rush on any trip to school.
• Empathize with your child, talk to him about his concerns and emphasize the progress he has made.

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your child the supportive, understanding environment they need to overcome separation anxiety. Discover
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